LTP 26- Mastering Marriage Pt 1: The Comfort Clue

by | May 4, 2016

In this podcast Episode, David & Caron Loveless discuss one of the ways to Master Marriage through The Comfort Clue.

Because having a mutually satisfying and long-term marriage seems to remain such a mystery for most people, we thought this month that we’d pull back a part of that mystery curtain.  Some things that used to be a mystery to us, have gotten clearer than ever… which has resulted in an even more glorious marriage than ever.

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One of the many things we’ve seen is this: The degree to which we were comforted in childhood directly relates to our ability and capacity to experience emotional closeness and resolve conflict in relationships… particularly marriage.

Listen to the Audio

Here is a brief summary of today’s episode of “The Live True Podcast.”  You can use this as a reference or reminder of key things you feel like you need to pay attention to or pass on to others, in the next 7 days of your life.

In the next several episodes we are going to be talking about how we can boost intimacy and connection in marriage.

Caron and I have a ton of things in common. We both like sports. We both enjoy being in nature, hiking or biking or just reading together at the beach or by a lake. We both love challenging conversation around big ideas. We appreciate just about every genre of music. We are both first-born, natural leaders.

And our mutual passion for God and personal spiritual growth was one of the first things that attracted us to each other as college students.

But For all the rich goodness in our relationship,

we also had a couple of reoccurring relational snags that kept tripping us up. 

In our case- These glitches distracted us from what we both agree is a rare and remarkable love. And, sometimes, those rough patches blinded us from seeing the best in each other and our relationship.

We had been to countless seminars that taught us how to “fight fair” and we had spent years dissecting the differences in our families of origin.    Still, we kept getting stuck. 

In the next several weeks we’re going to talk about needs for CLOSENESS and how we engage with each other in CONFLICT.

But the primary way you can best understand that subject is to begin at an even more foundational stage of all of our lives: how we received comfort as a child.

  1.  Emotional connection in marriage is directly related to the level of comfort that we received in our formative years.

The imprint of intimacy we received as infants affects our capacity to give & receive love as an adult.

Can you remember a time in your childhood you were comforted?

If you have a memory of being comforted as a child you may not struggle in your relationship the ways others do.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4  “Praise be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble…”

 

  1.  Emotional connection in marriage can be increased by understanding the three ingredients of comfort

* Touch– We all need it.  Our various degrees of comfort as children with it tell us how hard or easy it is to comfort as an adult.

* Listening– could at least one parent listen to you & help you talk about what was upsetting you?

* Relief-  Did you feel relief from your pain? Being held and listened to brings relief.

Our earliest experiences taught us how feelings were important VS unimportant in us and others.. in any given relationship.

Our lack of experiences with emotional connections makes it difficult to find deep intimacy and satisfaction within marriage.

When emotional connections are missing, we learn to restrict emotions and minimize what’s bothering us and we will not expect our adult relationships to comfort us.

If your parents: touched and held you, listened to you, helped you express what was going on in your soul… accepted your feelings and resolved problems well… you probably have a healthy view and healthy expectation for relationships.

To find out more, listen to this podcast in its entirety by clicking on the play button.   

Resources:

Relationship Recovery Resource Guide by David & Caron Loveless. We wrote this FREE guide 18 months ago that contains many helpful books and tools we have relied on to coach us into the kind of relationship we have always dreamed of.  If you are needing a boost in any part of your relational orbit, we believe it could benefit you.  To get it click HERE.

Picture of Caron after the airboat ride that was mentioned in this podcast

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Ask Us a Question

If you have a question, comment, or thought to share with us,  we’d love to hear from you.  Simply click here: “COMMUNICATE w/ David & Caron.

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