We’ve had this happen. You probably have, too. You’re in the middle of a disagreement and both you and your spouse have shut down. Everyone’s made their case but no one’s budging. Maybe, someone has even left the room. Now what?
Some couples pretend nothing happened. And some couples keep stewing, waiting each other out. After hours, days, or weeks they slowly inch their way back into each other’s presence, trying to remember what it was they argued about in the first place. They’ve lost valuable time and the goodwill in their relationship is shot to pieces.
What if there was a way to shorten the time it takes to rebound?
Something that’s been super helpful to us is both of us agreeing that whenever we get stalled out one of us will stop the madness by asking: “What do you need from me right now?”
Asking, “What do you need from me, right now,” gets to the point of the real problem quicker than anything we know. The answer that comes back is usually something pretty doable at the moment even if we’re still in need of a longer-term solution. Focusing on what we can do “right now” gets us back on track, giving instead of demanding, taking positive action, and moving back toward each other. It restores faith that we’re on each other’s side, wanting the best for each other even if we aren’t feeling so great at the time.
It’s a good question to ask any time you’re at odds with someone but we especially hope you’ll try it next time the lines get drawn and you feel stuck with your spouse.
Also, if you’re in need of some ideas to put more FUN in your marriage here’s a link to a free pdf we created to help get your juices flowing: 50 Ways To Keep A Marriage Fun.